Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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