He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
