mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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