4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
