god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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