New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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