Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
