I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
