two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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