wat bout pragnant strippers??
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
