she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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