The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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