we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
