my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
