omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
