I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
