I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
