so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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