You're a womanizer and a bitch.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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