Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
