i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
