Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
