can we get nightvision for the apartment?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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