we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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