That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
