On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
