literally had 100 drinks last night.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
