I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
