If i could tip my vagina, i would.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
