I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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