just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
