Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
