what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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