Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
