oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
