question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
3 2 1 whiskey
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
