If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
