I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
