i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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