Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
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I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
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I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize