I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
