She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
