Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
