I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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