she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
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BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
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These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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