I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
