the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
