Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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