Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
