She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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