Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
