It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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