we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
