No awkward lesbian experiences without me
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
