Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
