Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
