apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
