just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
