One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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