who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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