so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
