Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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