You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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