Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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