I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
