I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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