watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
