You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
