I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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