Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Dicks are not precious.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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