i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
