# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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