I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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