hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
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