Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
