goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
