somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
