You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
