Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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