i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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