I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
