Swine flu. Run for my life!
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
50% drunk capacity currently
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
