You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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