this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
